VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
