I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
