I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
