i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
