I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
