Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
