Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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