So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
