I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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