Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
