Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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