I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I believe in your delicious
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
