Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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