There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
