So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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