I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
