We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize