Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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