i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
