I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
