woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
