Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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