I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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