proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
