Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Two words: blizzard sex
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
