Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
