When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
