I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
