I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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