So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
