then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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