If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
