nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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