His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
