I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize