Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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