I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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