I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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