I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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