I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The uberlube is also flammable
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
