I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
