I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
worst night to have a conscience
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
