So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
