Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
