her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
