I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
