he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
