I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
