Whod you bang
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
