you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if only i could text you this smell
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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