in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
