Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
