I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
