this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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