ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
