Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
As shirtless as possible
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
