My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
