ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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