I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
