So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
