i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
