I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
