That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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