Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
