I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Swine flu is the new snow day.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
