There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
