Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
