the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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