Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
