Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
