JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
this beer tastes like vomit already
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
two words...techno handjob
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
