My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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