if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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