I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize