Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
